Too High a Price
by Hananian
Summary: [[CH8 IS UP][FINALLY COMPLETE]] Elizabeth must make the hardest decision of her life. WeirMcKay.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay...the first chapter is finally up. This story is going to be fairly long, and it's going to get pretty dark. Hope you come along for the ride if you don't mind angst and drama. Rating will probably end up T, but nothing M.

* * *

"Lizabeth, we **have** to do this. I mean…well…we can't let this pass by just because we don't want to share."

Elizabeth looked at her pouting chief scientist. She had every intention of going along with his request. However, Rodney didn't need to know that. If he found out too soon, she'd never get the information she needed out of him; he'd be off preparing and planning.

"Rodney. I didn't say that we weren't going to do it. I simply…" Rodney cut in faster than she thought he would.

"So we **are **doing this? Oh, good. I need to get to my lab and…" Elizabeth held up a hand to stop him.

"Will you wait a second? Just listen to me, okay?" At his frown and nod, Elizabeth continued. "Give me all the particulars and I'll put the final okay on it. As long as we can spare whatever they're wanting in exchange for the access, alright?"

Rodney sighed and sat down in the chair across from her and opened his notebook. "In short, they're willing to let us have all the time we need to study the Ancient lab we found there, **including** letting us bring any artifacts we want back here to study, provided we bring them back when we're done, or renegotiate for them." He looked over his notes, shut his notebook, and looked up, locking his gaze with hers. "Lizabeth there's no telling what information the Ancients left there. We can't pass this up for anything."

Elizabeth looked over her folder again. "All they're wanting is medicines and help with planting crops to obtain a higher yield, right? I think that shouldn't be too hard. And you said this planet is safe? Safe enough for, oh, I don't know…..someone like me to go along?"

Rodney couldn't help but smile at Elizabeth's subtle hint. "Lizabeth, it should be perfectly fine for you to come. It's a beautiful planet; Sheppard can fly us to the ruins in a puddlejumper. They're a couple miles from the nearest village, so it shouldn't be a problem to ensure your safety. And…regardless of what the linguistics department may think of their abilities, you're the best Ancient translator we have."

Elizabeth grinned at the compliment; high praise indeed from Rodney. He belatedly realized the effect his words would have, and cleared his throat self-consciously. "Yes…well. So we leave in the morning? You, me, Sheppard and Zelenka for now, if you agree. We can add more scientists as we discover the need."

Elizabeth nodded. They both rose, and went their separate ways.

* * *

The next morning, Rodney entered the Jumper bay to find Sheppard, Zelenka, and Elizabeth already waiting. He waved off their questions impatiently. "Yes, yes, yes, yes, I know. I'm a couple minutes late. Let's get going, shall we? Time's wasting, and all that." He turned to enter the jumper in front of him, pulling his backpack behind him. The others looked at each other and shrugged and rolled their eyes, then joined him, storing their gear for the flight.

In no time at all, Sheppard had the jumper sliding through the air towards their goal. Rodney and Zelenka were deep in the midst of a techno-babbled debate, so Elizabeth just leaned back in her seat to enjoy the ride. She hadn't been in a jumper many times, nor even offworld. She intended to enjoy every moment that she could.

The jumper set down in a large clearing about 50 yards from the majestic building. It looked a lot like the base of Atlantis itself, almost star shaped. It was overgrown with weeds and various samples of plant life. They disembarked and all headed inside carefully, starting their exploration.

Several hours passed in relative quiet, broken only by an occasional grunt of exertion, exclamation of discovery or groan of stiff muscles.

Rodney finally stood erect and stretched his back from the hours of crouching. "Ahhhh! Ow! Okay…more back damage." He rolled his neck around, and then looked to the others. "Anyone else thinking about food?"

Everyone realized that it was well past lunchtime. The fact that Rodney had gone this long without food was a testament to the amazement of their find. They all agreed to break for lunch and went outside into the sunshine, heading for the jumper and their food. They found comfortable places to sit in the grass near the jumper and tucked into their lunch.

* * *

About 30 minutes later, feeling satisfied but not overly full, Elizabeth stood. She brushed the seat of her pants off and looked around. "Um, guys? I'm heading over to those trees. Nature is not only calling, but knocking on the door as well. I'll be back in a couple minutes. And no, John, I don't need an escort." She rolled her eyes as he froze ½ way standing. He nonchalantly sat back down as she walked across the clearing, blocking out the sound of laughter from Rodney and the snap back from Sheppard.

She found herself enjoying the smell of the flowers and the chirping of the nearby birds, and was in no hurry to rejoin the others. After several minutes of absorbing the peacefulness, though, she realized they'd be worried about her, and headed back to the jumper to rejoin her team. She could still see John's feet protruding around the end of the ship, so she knew they hadn't been too concerned.

As she rounded the corner of the jumper, she smiled at the site before her. John was sleeping, his back resting on the jumper. Elizabeth nudged his leg with her foot, noticing at the same time that Zelenka was also asleep. She glanced around, but Rodney was nowhere to be seen. _Probably back in the lab by now, sick of waiting for the lazy ones._ She rolled her eyes at their lack of stamina and kicked John again, a bit harder, making his whole leg jiggle, but he didn't awaken. She frowned and called his name once, then again louder at his lack of response. When even shaking his shoulder didn't work, she quickly felt for a pulse and breathed a sigh of relief to find it strong and steady, just slowed to indicate deep sleep and relaxation. A check of Zelenka proved they were both simply asleep, but the fact she couldn't wake them worried her.

Looking around again, Elizabeth decided to find Rodney. She headed for the lab, certain he'd returned and just knowing he'd be fine, and back to work like normal. At least that's what she kept telling herself as she quickened her pace.

She reached the room they'd been in before, and gasped at the sight before her. Rodney was on the ground in the middle of the room, obviously unconscious. If the swelling on his cheek and jaw was any indication, he didn't just go to sleep as the others appeared to.

All training she'd gotten from John about away missions fled and she hurried to Rodney. Kneeling next to him, she gently turned him over and brought his head to rest in her lap, smoothing his hair gently. He didn't stir through it all and Elizabeth felt despair set in.

She'd just decided to try to get him back to the jumper when every hair on her head tingled. She looked around almost frantically, curling around Rodney's head to protect him from whatever evil was out there.

A scuffled step behind her cause her to whip her head around and she screamed at the image in front of her. Standing about 10 feet behind her was the last person she'd expected to see.

"Hello Doctor Weir. Thank you for joining us finally. Doctor McKay was most unwilling to cooperate." The evil seemed to practically ooze off the man as he came closer.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Warning: Spoiler for Coup d'Etat. Well…they didn't know for sure in the show, so it's not really a spoiler, I guess. But just be warned! Other than that….Enjoy!

* * *

"But…you…you're dead." Elizabeth choked out.

Kolya smiled enigmatically. "Not yet, my dear Doctor Weir. While, yes, there are some who would prefer me dead, I have several things I must do before I allow them to catch me."

Elizabeth tried valiantly to keep her recently eaten lunch from making a reappearance. She gathered all the courage she could and stared at Kolya, her face now a mask of serenity and diplomacy. "What did you do to my team, Kolya?"

The evil in the man shown through his eyes. "You mean Major…excuse me…Colonel Sheppard and the skinny guy? Oh, they are fine for now. I will deal with Sheppard later, after I'm finished with yourself and Doctor McKay."

He leered at her and Elizabeth shuddered. She pulled Rodney closer to her in a vain attempt to protect him, or herself, she wasn't sure. But it was obvious Kolya had planned for that. He very patiently and deliberately pulled a gun from his pocket and pointed it at Elizabeth.

"Now, now, Doctor Weir. I'm sure Doctor McKay can take care of himself. Well, once he wakes up. Why don't you and I go over there and have ourselves a little chat?" He motioned to the other side of the room with the barrel of the gun.

Elizabeth stayed where she was, now clutching Rodney almost desperately to her. Kolya raised an eyebrow and brought the gun down to point at the center of Rodney's chest. "Do not try my patience, Doctor Weir. You will find it in short supply. Now, as I said, move over there or I will kill him where he lays."

The look in his eye showed the truth behind his words, so Elizabeth swallowed, nodded slowly, and then eased Rodney's head off her lap. She stood on shaking legs and walked to the other side of the room. The glare Kolya pinned her with kept her frozen in place while he quickly and efficiently tied Rodney up and then came over to her.

"Please, Doctor Weir, have a seat. We can talk civilized, can we not?" Elizabeth physically shuddered at the venomous almost reptilian hiss to his words. She sat down quickly to try to still her shaking knees. She took several deep breaths and pulled every bit of professionalism she could muster into focus in her mind. When she was convinced she could speak without her voice shaking, she looked him in the eye.

"Why are you doing this? This lab means nothing to you. You can neither read Ancient nor activate any devices here. The people of this planet have nothing to offer the Genii, nor are they allies or spies for your people." At this, his eyes closed in a glare, but he remained silent and Elizabeth took a deep breath and continued.

"I don't know what you hope to find, but I assure you that there is nothing here for you. And Atlantis will neither trade with your planet, nor bow to your demands. Your people…."

"SHUT UP!" Kolya's sudden outburst startled Elizabeth into silence. He took a calming breath and continued. "I have no people thanks to you and your team. Because of my repeated failures to take Atlantis and its secrets, I have become an outcast. 'My people' as you call them, have cast me off like so much garbage, and wish me dead. So no, I **have** no 'people' any longer, Doctor."

"Then…why?" Elizabeth recovered quickly and pulled her diplomatic façade on again. "What can you possibly hope to gain by these actions? You are one man, alone. You can not take Atlantis, and I assure you that when we are late, a team will be…"

With no warning and in a move too quick to avoid, Kolya backhanded Elizabeth across the mouth. It snapped her head around and she immediately brought her hands up to her mouth, tasting blood.

He calmly wiped the blood off the back of his hand with a cloth from his pocket and then looked at her. "Do you never shut up? I told you once, and yet you forced me to result to this to get you to comply."

The world swam before her eyes and Elizabeth fought the urge to slump back against the wall. She would not let him see that weakness. Her mind raced frantically, trying to think of a motive or what he could possibly want. Her thoughts were interrupted by Kolya's grunt of disgust.

"You would never have made it on my team, Doctor Weir. You have been left unbound, yet you do not attack or even attempt a cowardly escape. You did not even retaliate on **my** attack. Which just shows you and your team are weak. How you ever defeated my strike force, I'll never know."

At her continued silence, he smiled cruelly. "Well, while I dislike dirtying my hands with your blood, it appears you've learned something. Good. I would hate to have to resort to…more convincing methods with you."

Elizabeth felt like someone had stabbed her in the stomach. She had never considered herself weak. Never. She used her words as weapons, and she was quite proficient at her 'attacks,' seldom losing. She relied on appealing to people's senses of logic, dignity and morality to achieve the results she desired. Yet, for the first time in her entire professional career, she knew words would not help her here.

"Still you do not attack? Fine. Speak and tell me why I should spare such a pathetic life." He stepped back several feet and Elizabeth immediately felt a bit of the tension locked in her chest ease at the increased distance.

She drew another deep breath and pulled her frazzled thoughts together. Her jaw ached and her mouth felt like it was on fire, distracting her attempts to focus. She could feel the blood still running down her chin, yet she knew wiping it away or trying to soothe it would only reinforce his belief in her weakness. She straightened her shoulders and tried to ignore the pain.

"If you are not doing this as a member of the Genii, and you do not have a team, why are you doing this? What do you hope to gain? Supplies? Information? You must have something you want that we can provide or you would have never come here and done this. What is it?"

Kolya's patience was gone. He surged forward and roared, "REVENGE! Simple revenge! You and your people destroyed my life! Because of **you**, Doctor Weir, I am a fugitive. Because of you, I have nothing! And as I have nothing, I have nothing to lose. I have no rules. No one to answer to." He leaned up close and whispered hoarsely. "I have nothing to keep me from killing you where you stand for the misery you have caused me. And rest assured, Doctor, it will not be quick. And I will make sure you feel every agonizing second as I drain the blood from your body, drop by drop."

He withdrew a long bladed knife from the pocket of his jacket, unsheathing it fluidly. He looked at it closely, and then slowly brought it up to her face. Every thought in her head vanished as he drug the point of the blade down her swollen jaw line, scratching just enough to hurt, but not enough to break the skin. Yet.

He pressed the blade tip under her chin, and then stopped at a moan from the other side of the room. He pulled the blade back and turned to see Rodney stirring, looking around confused and dazed. Elizabeth's heart soared at knowing she wasn't alone, but it plummeted quickly as Kolya turned back to her with an evil look.

"Maybe I should start with Doctor McKay. Let you see what is in your future. And maybe if you're lucky, I will tire myself and end your life quickly."

He turned and headed across the room. Elizabeth looked at the door, gauging the distance, and then looking back to Rodney. She couldn't leave him! She would not leave her team member, her friend, in the hands of this maniac.

She knew she had to do something. But she had no fighting skills. She had never even held a weapon and knew she couldn't. It seemed everything in her life had been leading up to this moment. All her fights with the military about unnecessary violence. All her debates and discussions with the leaders of so many countries. Trying to talk them all down and to see reason. To voluntarily pick up a weapon went against the very fiber of her being. She wasn't sure she could take a life, even to save her own.

But could she do it to save Rodney's?


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Okay...it get a bit darker here, but not too bad yet. Please, let me know what you think.

* * *

Elizabeth's mind raced furiously. _Stay unconscious, Rodney! Stay unconscious, please!_ She was really hoping Kolya would do nothing until Rodney was responsive. Surely, his sick mind would realize torture would be no fun if the person weren't able to respond. Immediately, Elizabeth shook her head in horror at her own thoughts. She was thinking like a madman now?

She was scared to death, but couldn't just leave Rodney in this man's hands. "Kolya! Leave him alone!" With no thought in her mind except protecting her friend, Elizabeth hurried over. She dropped to her knees and tugged Rodney close again.

"Please. Stop this! We've done nothing to you. We were merely protecting our home! Can't you understand that?" Elizabeth tried to draw on her words. The words that had always gotten her out of situations.

A Wraith hive ship was one thing. You can't talk to them. You have no choice but to fight. Even then, she was trying to find a way to talk to the Wraith, though eventually giving up. But this…one man could be talked to. Reasoned with. And yet, her mind was whirling uncooperatively. Her words were failing her and at this moment, she had no idea what she could do to get them out of this.

Kolya eyed her in disgust, and whirled to stomp the other direction, obviously trying to calm himself down so this wouldn't end before he had his pleasure. As Elizabeth pulled Rodney closer, she noticed the gun in his thigh holster. A quick glance at Kolya reassured her he wasn't watching and she quickly slid it from the holster and tucked it into the back of her pants, covering it with her shirt.

Elizabeth knew she could never fire it. Everything within her screamed at even picking it up. She'd been against violence and guns her entire life, knowing they solved nothing. And yet, she picked it up. She may be able to bluff her way out of it, if nothing else. But for now, her team was unconscious. Bluffing would do her no good. She couldn't hold a gun to him for hours waiting for them all to wake up. Kolya was crazy, yes, but he wasn't stupid. He would figure out she was bluffing and eventually take the gun from her, leaving her worse off than before.

* * *

Kolya returned, calm and in control once more. "I believe I told you to stay over there, Doctor Weir." He gestured to where they had previously talked. "You will do as I ask, or not only will I take your life, but I will take everything else I can before you die, until you beg for your death. Do you understand?"

Elizabeth paled and went numb as the meaning of his threat became clear. At her nod, Kolya continued. "Unless you'd rather hold Doctor McKay and try to soothe him as I dissect him? Maybe look into his eyes and lie to him? Tell him everything is going to be fine?" He laughed at his own sick humor and gestured with the gun again. "Now…I grow tired of this. Move back to where you were told. I will **not** tell you again."

Elizabeth sighed in defeat and again let Rodney go, then rose and headed back to the wall. She knew continued talking would only irritate him further, but she had no choice. "Kolya. Please. Surely, there is something we can give you. Trade for our lives. There must be something you need. Anything." She knew she sounded desperate, but as Rodney began to stir, she became frantic to distract him.

"Doctor Weir, I have already told you, but I will explain it as precisely as I can. The **only** thing that you can do for me now….is die. Slowly and painfully. Preferably with a lot of kicking and screaming as possible, if you wouldn't mind."

She had nothing she could say to that. Beg for her life? Tell him she'd do her best to scream loudly? Maybe even, promise to not bleed on him if he'd end it quickly? As the frantic laughter bubbled up inside her, Elizabeth knew she was about to snap. She was losing control of herself and becoming hysterical would not solve anything.

* * *

As she sat there trying to bring her thoughts back into order, Kolya returned to Rodney and jerked him upright by his bound hands. Rodney's eyes snapped open as he stumbled, trying to stay standing as Kolya yanked him over to a console and forced him to lean against it while raising Rodney's hands to tie them to an overhead pipe. Rodney was left with his feet on the floor if he stood on his toes, but no leverage. His eyes darted frantically around the room to try to make sense of this nightmare.

He spotted Elizabeth sitting curled up on the floor on the other side of the room. Her face was swollen and bloody, a jagged cut at the corner of her mouth, making it obvious she'd been hit.

His anger fueled, Rodney turned back to the man who'd tied him up and spat out, "Kolya. I thought that was you when you hit me. Don't care for the fair fights huh? You'd rather knock out a guy then beat up on a woman?" He knew he was going to pay for it, but seeing Elizabeth cowering was too much.

Kolya merely laughed, which, to Rodney, was worse than being hit. The pure evil in the sound was enough to convince him they weren't getting out of this. He didn't know where Sheppard and Zelenka were, or if they were even still alive. He doubted it, as Sheppard would have died himself before he'd allow Kolya to strike Elizabeth. So that meant it was up to just Elizabeth and him.

"Lizabeth? Are you okay? Can you talk?" He was shocked as she looked fearfully at Kolya, who nodded and gestured for her to answer.

"Rodney. I'm….okay. Kolya has decided he wants…revenge for all that we have cost him." Kolya nodded again, pressing her to continue. "He plans to kill us. Slowly as payment for our actions."

Rodney looked at her in shock. Not at what Kolya was going to do, but that she said it so matter of factly. The Elizabeth he knew would not bow to this lunatic, and yet she appeared to have no fight in her. He looked back to Kolya with a glare.

"What the hell did you do to her? If you harm her, I will kill you myself at the first possibility that presents itself." Kolya didn't say a word. He simply stepped forward and kicked Rodney's feet out from under him, causing Rodney to yelp as his arms jerked his shoulders painfully.

"Do not threaten me, Doctor McKay. You will find that I hold all the advantage in this. All you have to decide is if you'd rather I kill Doctor Weir first, letting you watch and hear her screams, hearing her beg me for death. Or rather you'd rather go first, leaving her to watch you die slowly and painfully."

At this, Rodney glanced over at Elizabeth, catching her gaze that mirrored the fear in his. Kolya watched the silent exchange and smiled, "Awww….maybe you'd rather go together? Maybe I should let you take turns until you're both minutes from death so you don't have to live without the other. What do you think, Doctor Weir? Rodney first?"

With no warning, Kolya spun and slammed the blade of his knife into Rodney's right thigh. Rodney screamed in pain as Elizabeth jumped to her feet and yelled, "NO!"

Kolya calmly withdrew his knife slowly, causing Rodney to cry out as he twisted it slowly while he pulled it out. Elizabeth sobbed at the look on Rodney's face, and brought her hands up to cover her eyes for a moment, before sliding them down to cover her mouth, tears coursing down her cheeks.

Kolya turned to Elizabeth. "What was that? You have decided you want to go first? Well, it is your decision." He made in only a couple steps towards her before Rodney ground out through clenched teeth.

"NO! You will leave her alone. If you have to take your revenge on someone, let her go and do what you want with me." Elizabeth's eyes opened wide in horror, already shaking her head silently.

Even Kolya seemed surprised. "Why, Doctor McKay. How very…brave of you."

"Yes, it was, wasn't it? Well, anyway. Do we have a deal? I will give you my life willingly as soon as I know she's safely off the planet." He had no idea where the bravery was coming from; he just knew he could not watch Elizabeth die. And if he was going to die, he didn't want her to have to watch.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Okay….Time for Liz to show what she's made of.

* * *

Kolya laughed.

Rodney flinched and Elizabeth shrank back towards the wall. Kolya turned to look at her, and stated quite calmly. "Oh yes, by all means, Doctor Weir, feel free to leave. It's a 2-day walk to the gate, the villagers don't know you, and you told me yourself you do not have the gene necessary to fly your ships. But please, feel free to leave. I will track you and retrieve you as soon as I'm…finished with Doctor McKay. It would make this even more satisfying."

Elizabeth seemed to stop breathing for a moment, and then looked up to stare at Kolya. The look of almost…glee in his eyes sparked a fire in her stomach that quickly flared. _How **dare** he? He is actually enjoying seeing our fear._ Her eyes hardened as she stood up, lifting her chin.

She wiped her eyes to remove the last traces of tears and straightened her shoulders. When she spoke, it was with conviction. Her disgust at him for his actions and herself for cowering bled together and strengthened her resolve. "I will **not** run. Or hide. Or even leave. I will stop you. We will stop you." She looked at Rodney and nodded decisively, the fire in her eyes clearly visible.

Rodney didn't so much smile as smirk. The pain in his leg was intense, but his relief at seeing Elizabeth take control and make the smile slip off Kolya's face was enough to eclipse the pain. He turned to Elizabeth and grinned, putting more effort into it. Against his better judgment, but unable to keep his mouth shut, he muttered quietly to Kolya, "Ohhh…now you're in trouble. Usually, it's me."

Kolya roared in anger, spinning back to Rodney to deliver a stunning blow to the chest that left him gasping for breath. Rodney heard the crack, and felt the corresponding stinging pain. He knew at least one rib was severely cracked, if not broken.

Elizabeth winced. But she knew she was getting to Kolya and couldn't back down now. Saying a silent apology to Rodney, she advanced on Kolya. She was tired of cowering. Of simpering and being afraid. She did not intend to die today, but if she couldn't avoid it, it would not be while sobbing in a corner.

As she got a bit closer, she looked Kolya straight in the eye, holding his gaze as she said, "You didn't answer my question before. What did you do to the rest of my team?"

Elizabeth wasn't sure if it was surprise or a small measure of respect that entered his eyes. Amazingly, he answered her. "They are merely drugged. They will remain asleep for about six hours, and paralyzed for about six more. Enough time for me to dispatch the two of you, and get some rest before taking care of them. Don't worry, Doctor Weir, I'll have plenty of time for you. I am in no hurry."

He sneered but then stopped at the lack of response. In frustration, he turned and delivered another blow across Rodney's head, which caused Elizabeth to flinch and snap out a "NO!" as she surged closer.

Without a pause, he spun and backhanded her across the face, giving her a cut to match the one on the other side of her face. It sent her reeling backwards, but she caught her balance and stood back upright quickly. She glared, then calmly wiped at the blood running down her chin.

Kolya smiled coldly. "So…I have found your weakness. You care too much for this man. Every time I do anything to harm him, your anger grows. Perhaps you'd rather take his place?" He smoothly stepped back into command of the situation.

Or so he thought. Elizabeth glared, though inside she whispered another silent comment to Rodney, hoping he understood what she was about to say and do. She laughed. At Kolya's raised eyebrow, she explained. "He's merely a member of my team. A man under my command. Surely you understand the role of a leader. Protect those under your rule." She turned deliberately and stepped a couple steps away, mainly to not have to see Rodney's hurt expression, but to also lead Kolya out of range of Rodney.

She paused in her pacing, as if in sudden thought. "Oh, that's right. I forgot. You don't HAVE a team any longer, do you?" At the flair in his eyes, she knew she's hit a sore spot. She also knew she was on thin ice. The man was dangerous on a good day. But all she could think of was buying time and keeping him from Rodney.

Besides, it wasn't all a lie. Rodney **was** a member of her team. He just also happened to be one of, if not the best friend she had. But Kolya didn't need to know that, or it would be that much harder to protect Rodney. She risked a quick glance over Kolya's shoulder, catching Rodney's eye. The hurt was gone from his eyes. She sighed in quiet relief that he'd understood. She pressed on.

"And if it would protect a member of my team, then yes, I would take his place in an instant." At her firm declaration, Kolya looked her up and down slowly, then again. She forcefully controlled the shiver that tried to break free. The look in his eye was enough to terrify her, and she called up every bit of reserves she had to stand tall.

Kolya smiled. "Your attitude is unacceptable. Perhaps I'll leave him tied up for a while longer and show you how a woman is supposed to behave. If you have no formal fight training, your only use is to warm a man's bed and produce strong children. It is obvious you are not a fighter; this we have already established." He took another step towards her, and looked down at her with a nausea-inducing leer. "Tell me, Doctor Weir, how are you at warming a man's bed?"

"NO!" Rodney pulled painfully against his bonds. "Don't you dare lay a hand on her, you bastard!" The fury in his voice was unmistakable. But so was the terror. Elizabeth's face had gone white, and she swallowed hard, biting back the bile that rose in her throat in response to the implied threat.

Kolya laughed and reached a hand up to run down her bruised cheek. She slapped it away, but faster than a blink, he snatched her hand in the air, holding it away from him. "Now now, my dear Doctor. No hitting. This can be as friendly and pleasant, or as nasty and painful as you desire. Your choice will be evident by your response."

He looked over his shoulder at Rodney, whose eyes were open wide, his breathing erratic. "Do not worry, Doctor McKay. If you prefer, we can go outside so you don't have to watch. I have a feeling she will not go willingly, so you will at least get to hear her screams. You can spend the last hour of your life mulling over the fact that you failed to save her."

Rodney lunged forward again. "NO!"

Kolya laughed. "No? You prefer we remain here? Well, I didn't know you enjoyed that sort of thing, but I'll consider it a last request. Doctor Weir? If you'd be so…kind as to come a bit closer? I don't relish wasting my energy chasing you around and we've already established that you will not run away, as it will mean a more drawn out and painful end to Doctor McKay's life."

Elizabeth shuddered again. In her mind, rape was the ultimate humiliation a woman could bear, and the thought of Rodney having to watch was even worse. Even now, he looked on the verge of throwing up.

She turned her head to glare at Kolya. "Damn you. Why are you doing this? If you're going to kill me, then just do it! Enough of your stupid games! What are you hoping for? Do you want me to beg? Plead with you for my life? If that is what you want, then fine. I'm not that proud. I will ask you for my life. For my team's lives. But know this….I will NOT sit idly by and let you kill my team. Nor will I willingly come to you."

She raised an eyebrow at him and gave a small smile, the best she could muster. "Besides…from the look on his face, I have a feeling if you tried to force me, Rodney would find a way to chew through those ropes if he had to. Your life would be as forfeit as you claim ours our."

Kolya snarled at the look of utter hatred on Rodney's face, and then looked back at Elizabeth, seeing a look of determination that made him pause, before he smiled. "Well then…I better take care of him before I educate you, shouldn't I?"

He stepped toward Rodney again, drawing his knife from his pocket again. "So…tell me Doctor McKay. Will a nice slow, deep cut across your ankle shut you up as you slowly bleed to death, or should I just go for removing your heart directly?"

At Rodney's silence, he stepped further forward and in a swift, hard slice, cut through Rodney's shirt, laying the shirt and vest to the sides and leaving his chest bare. He turned to Elizabeth and spoke deliberately. "This is your fault, Doctor Weir. Remember that."

Rodney squirmed, trying to get away from the knife hovering over his chest and kicked out. Kolya trapped Rodney's leg between his own and slowly dragged the knife down the center of his chest. A thin line of blood began to well up and Rodney cried out, before biting his lip until he tasted blood to silence his own screams.

Elizabeth swallowed hard, and looked away. Kolya would kill Rodney if she didn't stop him. Of that, she was certain. She knew she had to do something. But could she do it? She paused for a moment, and then made up her mind. She didn't have a choice.

Kolya completed the cut and moved back up to begin a second deeper cut, when he froze at a familiar sound. A sharp click echoed through the room. He turned slowly from Rodney, bringing the knife down slowly at the sight before him.

Elizabeth stood about ten feet behind him, Rodney's gun cocked and held firmly in a two-handed grip, pointing it directly at the center of Kolya's chest.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: SOOOO sorry this took so long to do. I had a long week and weekend. I hope to go back to posting every day/every other day and have this story's final chapters done and up by Friday at the latest. (Yep, you read that right. There's only 3 more chapters left.)

* * *

Elizabeth stood as still as possible, trying to project all the assuredness and strength she could, despite feeling none of either. Sheer will kept the gun steady, and she steeled her features. 

"I don't want to shoot you, but I will **not** let you harm either of us further. I would strongly…suggest you leave now while you have the opportunity. The choice is yours."

If he hadn't hurt so much, he would have laughed at the look on Kolya's face. Rodney turned and grinned at her. That was his Elizabeth. The one who would fight tooth and nail for what she believed in. For her people. He'd really been wondering if she would ever come back.

Kolya stared hard for a couple moments, and then gave a sardonic smirk. "Come now, Doctor Weir. You will not shoot me. We both know this. If you were going to shoot…" He paused for a long moment to gauge her reaction, and then continued. "…you would have done it right after you took the gun from Doctor McKay." At Elizabeth's shocked expression, he continued. "Oh yes. Did you really think I wouldn't notice that the gun was there, then suddenly gone? Please, give me more credit than that."

"Now, as I was saying, you will not shoot. You will threaten, you will wave the gun, and you may even fire off a warning shot into the floor or ceiling. But you know as well as I do that you will not and **can** not willingly take my life."

Rodney watched horrified as Elizabeth's features crumpled. Her hands wavered a bit, but she did keep the gun up and level. He swallowed nervously, and spoke to her quickly. "Lizabeth? Don't listen to him. You can do this. You have to do this. I'm not ready to die, and I doubt Sheppard or Radek are either." At her dazed look, he hurried on. "Lizabeth. He was going to rape you. You **have** to stop him."

When Elizabeth didn't answer him, Rodney stopped talking and the silence reigned. Kolya held her gaze, and she couldn't look away, no matter how hard she tried. She'd heard every word Rodney had said. But she couldn't break the link with Kolya. And no matter how much she was screaming at herself inside, she couldn't make herself pull the trigger.

Maybe if he had been trying to do something, she could have. But he just stood there. He hadn't moved since issuing his challenge. She wanted so badly to prove him wrong. To wipe the smirk off his face. Permanently. But the longer she waited, the more Kolya knew he'd won.

Kolya reached for the gun, but Elizabeth took a couple steps back, never dropping the muzzle, keeping it pointed at his chest. He raised an eyebrow. The anger flared in her stomach again. He was practically daring her to kill him. But…

She couldn't do it. She'd waited too long. Elizabeth knew it and so did Kolya. He advanced on her slowly. "Just give me the gun, Doctor Weir. You obviously are not going to use it, and I don't want you to hurt yourself."

Elizabeth stepped back again, dimly hearing Rodney's shouts and doing her best to block him out. She knew he meant well, but it was making it harder for her to focus. She had to make Kolya believe she'd shoot him. She needed to either give him the gun or use it.

Kolya gave her a look of disgust. "As I thought. Weak. Well, that is fine, Doctor Weir. You keep holding the gun and pretending to be brave. I'm going to finish with Doctor McKay, then you and I will…continue our previous discussion." He grinned at her shudder, and then turned his back on her as though she was of no consequence.

Rodney closed his eyes in a brief attempt to mask the terror flowing through his body as he watched Elizabeth slowly lower the gun. As he reopened them, he saw Kolya approach, then stop about two feet away.

"I'm done playing around, Doctor McKay. I will admit this isn't as rewarding as I'd hoped. Maybe it would be better if we just finish this quickly so I can get on to things that are more…pleasurable. I assume you have no objections to less pain?"

If Rodney hadn't been so scared, he probably would have been amazed that Kolya was even offering him a choice like that. On one hand, he wanted this over as soon as possible if there was no way out of it. On the other, he needed to stay alive as long as possible to have time come up with a way out of it.

Unfortunately, his mind was drawing a blank. All he could do was focus on the knife Kolya brandished. He looked over at Elizabeth and then closed his eyes, having no desire to see the killing blow. All he could do was whisper sadly, "I'm sorry Lizabeth. I'm sorry I couldn't save us."

Elizabeth felt here eyes well at Rodney's words and knew she couldn't just let him die. "Kolya! Wait!" She stepped forward as he turned to her with a questioning look.

"Yes?"

"May we have a moment to…say goodbye? You were right. He is more than just a member of my team. And…if this is really the end, I can't let it go without saying something. Please." Her eyes pleaded with him to understand and acquiesce.

He rolled his eyes and stepped back, motioning her forward. Elizabeth quickly stepped up to Rodney and with no warning, kissed him, long and slow. After several moments, she pulled back, and then hugged him as hard as she dared with all his injuries. While hugging, she angled her head enough to whisper into his ear as quietly as she could.

"Rodney…I'm sorry for not warning you. This was the only way I could think of to get a moment to talk to you. I know I have to kill him. But I just can't seem to make myself pull the damn trigger. I've tried and tried, but my finger just won't do it. I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to do." The frustration and pain in her voice was evident.

Rodney was still dazed from the kiss and blinked rapidly, trying to focus. "Wow. Um…nothing like the threat of looming death to make a first kiss memorable." At his attempt at gallows humor, he felt her small smile against his cheek. He forced his thoughts back to the problem at hand, trying to think faster than he ever had before in his life. After a moment, he sighed and turned his head, kissing her temple gently.

He couldn't think of a single solution. His mind was a total blank, but he whispered furiously. "Lizabeth, fight this! You **can** do this! I'm not ready to die. You just keep that gun ready. Promise me you won't give up yet! I'll…I'll think of something." He paused a moment, then smiled slightly. "Besides, how can I see if the second kiss will be as good as the first if I'm not around to **get **a second kiss?"

Elizabeth pulled her head back to look Rodney in the eye, her own swimming with tears and the gun held tightly in her hand at her side. She nodded and opened her mouth to promise him when they were interrupted.

"That's a long enough goodbye, Doctor Weir. As…touching as that was, I grow tired of this." He took her arm and forced her back, stepping up to Rodney again and turning his back on Elizabeth.

Rodney was amazed that Kolya had so much arrogance that he didn't even take the gun from her. Which meant he was sure she wouldn't use it. And Rodney knew that on her own, Elizabeth never would. But he meant it when he said he wasn't ready to die yet. Besides, he knew if Kolya killed him, her guilt would destroy her faster than Kolya could. That was just how she was. And he couldn't let that happen.

As Rodney stood quietly, his mind whirling at warp speeds to think of something, he had unwittingly ignored Kolya. Which he soon learned was a big mistake. His chest erupted in pain and his mind snapped back to his surroundings as Kolya smacked the still-bleeding cut on his chest. Rodney was amazed at how much the shallow cut bled. And hurt.

With a flash of clarity that came with the pain that washed over him, the answer became clear. Elizabeth would never pull the trigger on her own. So…she needed help. His help.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I'm sorry this took so long. I had plenty of time, but the story just wouldn't come. I'm still not totally comfortable with this chapter, but it's as close to what I wanted as I could get.

* * *

The guilt and frustration was too much. Elizabeth watched Kolya for a moment. Watched Kolya watching Rodney. And Rodney? Rodney was watching Elizabeth. She locked eyes with him over Kolya's shoulder. The helpless look in her eyes was more than Rodney could stand.

He knew he had to think of something to make Elizabeth react. Unfortunately, every scenario he could think of involved a lot of pain for him. He couldn't imagine Elizabeth pulling the trigger without a major stimulus. Even his death, it if was slow and methodical, probably wouldn't push her enough.

He knew it wasn't an insult to him, or even an indication of her feelings for him. But they'd been good friends for a while now, and he knew her stance on guns and violence of any sort. He was shocked she'd aimed it at all.

* * *

They say impending death brings everything into focus, and Elizabeth had to admit that "they" were almost right. Her own death may do that, but watching Rodney, and knowing he was going to die, made everything crystal clear. She knew he was a genius and he'd said he would find a way to get them out of this, but she also couldn't help but focus on the blood that still ran slowly down his chest, the blood-soaked pants leg covering his right thigh, and the swollen and purple bruises on his face.

Elizabeth knew that if they could work together, they'd solve this. But Kolya hadn't given them enough time. All she could do was keep her promise, keeping the gun held tight in her hand, and try to talk herself into actually pulling the trigger.

She locked her gaze with Rodney's, trying to give him any help she could, letting her faith in him show through her eyes. He smiled slightly in response, and then broke the look, turning instead to glare at Kolya, a gleam in his eyes that Elizabeth couldn't decipher.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" he spat out. "If you're going to do this, stop playing around and do it. It's obvious I can't stop you, and **she** won't." At his words, he threw a look of venomous disgust at Elizabeth; inside, praying she'd understand. "I have no desire to bleed to death drop by drop. Just do it. Stop the games. You know where my heart is! Use the damn knife already!"

Elizabeth gasped, her mouth hanging open in shock and pain at his words. She quickly surged a couple steps forward, stopping about 5 feet behind Kolya. "Rodney! No! What are you doing? Don't antagonize him! We need all the time we can get if I'm going to have to….you know I can't do it yet! Why are you doing this?"

Rodney winced, knowing she hadn't understood his plan, knowing that his words had hurt and confused her. But it was too late to back out now, and it probably was for the best that she didn't realize what he was doing. He only hoped it worked, _which it probably won't _his mind taunted him, and that she'd forgive him when it was all over. He turned back to Kolya.

"Well? What the hell are you waiting for? I told you! Just get it over with!" He tried with everything in him to project the right amount of frustration and fear, which wasn't hard considering the position he was in. The last thing he really wanted to do was make Kolya focus on him. But he had to get him closer and make him strike out. "So? Come on already! If you're going to rape her, I'd rather not see or hear it. So just….finish me off first, okay?" Here, he tried to inject a note of acceptance, together with a plea.

Kolya looked from Rodney to Elizabeth, then back again. "Why, Doctor McKay, I must say I'm surprised. You're not going to try to talk your way out of this? Convince me that I should let you go? You're not even going to plead further for Doctor Weir's life? You see her weakness now too, I assume."

He nodded decisively, then stepped a foot or so closer, until he was within striking distance of Rodney, and slowly drew his knife again. "Doctor McKay, because of your bravery, you have actually managed to change my mind. I will honor your wishes. I think you've suffered long enough. Watching Doctor Weir stand there, doing nothing to save you is a cruelty I won't subject you to any further. So yes, I will do as you ask."

Kolya raised the knife, holding it in front of Rodney, before turning to gesture towards Elizabeth. "Unless, of course, you'd rather do it yourself, Doctor Weir?" The corner of his mouth curled in a smirk. "By being too weak to stop me, even when I gave you the chance, you've as good as killed him yourself. I intended to let him suffer, watching me take you apart piece by piece, but I think your betrayal has caused him enough pain."

Elizabeth glared at Kolya, her eyes flaring at his arrogance. The pain she felt as her inability to do anything was quickly being replaced by a fury so intense it shocked her. She slowly brought the gun up, once again pointing it at Kolya.

He rolled his eyes at her stance, and in a show of nonchalance; he shook his head sadly, talking as he slowly turned to face Rodney. "Please, do not waste my time, Doctor Weir. You know as well as I do that you're not going to shoot me. It doesn't matter if you're upset, angry, or scared. Now…let me finish with the good Doctor, and then I will deal with you." He finished his slow turn, again staring at Rodney, though a look of pity in his eyes now. He looked over his shoulder at Elizabeth. "You are simply too weak to strike out at me and I have other things to do."

"That's where you're wrong, Kolya. She's just needs a push!" At his last word, Rodney used every bit of strength he had left, and adrenaline to make up for what he didn't. He wrapped his hands around the band holding his hands in the air. With a cry of pain, he pulled his legs up together as high as he could, and kicked Kolya squarely in the chest.

Kolya stumbled backwards with the force of the kick, spinning around to try to catch himself with a roar of anger. All that registered with Elizabeth was the fact that Kolya was flying towards her with a yell. She gasped at the suddenness, and did the one thing Rodney had been counting on. She didn't think. She simply reacted. A loud noise echoed through the room as the gun run recoiled in Elizabeth's hands.

At that close a distance, there was no way she could miss. Everything slowed down, every second taking minutes to pass in Elizabeth's mind. The bullet struck Kolya directly in the heart. The death was instantaneous. However, the force of Rodney's kick was enough to still propel him forward.

His now lifeless body smashed into Elizabeth and she went down as she was pinned beneath the weight. With a scream of terror, she shoved with all her might, pushing his body off her to flop listlessly to the side.

She scuttled backwards towards Rodney as fast as she could. One look at Kolya's staring, empty eyes was all it took. She gave up the fight and retched violently, her lunch finally making a reappearance at the gore before her.

As soon as the spasms stopped, she spat a couple times, then crawled remaining distance until she was at Rodney's feet. She clambered to her feet rapidly, clutching him tightly around the waist, shaking violently.

Rodney winced at the pain racing through his ribs, but there was no way he'd say anything to her. He'd pass out before he'd complain at this moment. He simply leaned his forehead over to rest against the top of her head as her face burrowed into his neck.

"Shhh... Its okay, Lizabeth. It's over. You did it. I knew you could do it." With his hands still bound above his head, he soothed as best he could, rubbing his cheek against her hair.

Faster than he thought possible, she pulled her head back, then stepped back. Rodney was shocked that she had recovered that quickly and opened his mouth to say so, when he saw what she was doing. She stepped back a couple steps, then bent to pick up Kolya's dropped knife.

She stretched up and quickly sliced through the rope holding his arms up and he dropped with a cry, his injured leg and ribs unable to hold him up. She let go of the knife and hurried to crouch next to him, helping him sit up gently.

He groaned, resting against the console behind him. As soon as she realized he wasn't going to pass out, the final wall crumbled. Her lower lip began to shake fiercely and with a sob, she launched herself at him.

He braced himself as best he could, and wrapped his still joined arms around her, holding her tightly against him, ignoring his pain and focusing on hers. He again whispered gentle nonsense into her hair, though now he ran his hands slowly up and down her back, cuddling her like a small child as she cried.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I'm so sorry this took so long to get up. For a story that wrote itself the first ½, these last few chapters are hard! LOL. But here it is…. Enjoy!

_

* * *

I killed him…I **killed** him…I KILLED HIM! The single thought resounded through her brain repeatedly as Elizabeth clung to Rodney. For all she knew, time had stopped. She had no idea how much time had passed, and right now, she didn't care._

She knew if anyone saw her, someone would probably question either her sanity or her fortitude. She worked so hard to make sure everyone saw her as a strong leader and to ensure no one questioned her assignment as leader of the expedition. And in her opinion, she did a good job, usually.

Elizabeth sighed quietly. Usually. Not today. If anyone had seen her unable to pull the trigger to save a member of her team, she knew complaints and possibly even an inquiry into her actions and qualifications would most likely follow quickly. And the fact that she was furious at herself for not doing anything only compounded the issue.

She pulled back until she was sitting almost fully upright, but still close enough to Rodney to be touching from hip to shoulder. The physical contact gave her more comfort than she expected and only increased her emotional conflict.

Elizabeth was so glad that it had been Rodney there with her. Not just because his quick thinking had saved them both. Or even because she knew he would never share the details of what had happened with anyone. Simply because if she had to face something like this, she couldn't imagine anyone else she'd want there.

Sure, Sheppard may have found a way out. He may have even been able to kill Kolya on his own. But then she would have felt like the damsel in distress who needed saving. He always made her feel that way. Whenever he asked her opinion or even her permission, she got the strong feeling that he was simply humoring her. She'd taken to talking with him, trying to build a friendship and trust. Elizabeth didn't care if John misunderstood her motives or thought she was flirting with him. She just wanted him to stop protecting her.

Which brought her back to Rodney. He would do what he could, but he knew ultimately, she was capable of saving herself usually. As much as she was glad it was he there with her, and not anyone else, she felt so guilty. She shouldn't have wanted anyone there with her. Not only that, but Kolya had picked up on her relationship with Rodney, at least somewhat. If she hadn't wanted to protect him so badly, it's possible he would have left Rodney alone. Or at least not messed with his mind so much.

The logical part of her knew that wasn't completely true. She wasn't in love with Rodney. But he was her best friend. So she hadn't lied when she'd told Kolya there was something between them. She trusted Rodney with anything and everything about her life. He was the one she ranted too, or talked things out with.

And on those incredibly rare times, when she couldn't hold back the tears at another useless death, Rodney was the one who let her cry and comforted her. He could always see it in her eyes when no one else could and would find a way to get her away from people. They'd go to one of the secluded balconies and he'd just hold he while she cried. Elizabeth smiled slightly at the memories. He gave the best hugs. Just tight enough to make her feel protected, but not so tight that she'd feel trapped.

* * *

Rodney stirred slightly, startling her out of her thoughts. Elizabeth looked up at his face and gasped at the look of pain in his eyes. She quickly pulled back, horrified. She'd forgotten that he was still bleeding!

"Lizabeth. I'm sorry. I'd love nothing more than to sit here and hold you and let you work this all out in your head until you're okay with it. But my chest is starting to burn, my thigh is going numb, and I need to move. Hopefully, back to the jumper for some drugs?" He smiled at her apologetically, and she knew without question, that if she'd asked him to stay there a bit longer, he'd comply unhesitatingly.

Of course, she'd never hear the end of it later, once they were all back on Atlantis and safe. He'd either whine about how long he sat there in pain, or brag that he'd stayed conscious that long. Probably a bit of both. And she wouldn't have it any other way.

Elizabeth wanted to grin at him and opened her mouth to say something, when she caught sight of Kolya out of the corner of her eye and immediately sobered, disgusted with herself. She'd taken a man's life! And within hours, she was smiling and about to crack a joke? Had she become that callous?

Pushing the thoughts aside for later dissection, Elizabeth stood quickly. "Rodney, stay right where you are. I'm going to run to the jumper and get the medical kit. Don't move." Without giving him time to do more than nod in acceptance, she dashed out and across the courtyard to the jumper.

As she reached the jumper, she realized at least six hours had passed since this had all began, and she quickly went around to the other side of jumper to check on Dr. Zelenka and John.

They were both awake, and rolled their eyes to her frantically when they heard her approach. She hastened to explain and put their minds at rest. "It's going to be alright. You've both been drugged and will probably have several hours more before you can move again. Assuming Kolya was telling the truth."

Upon hearing Kolya's name, John's eyes opened wider. She shook her head. "Don't worry. He…has been dealt with and is no longer an issue." She again shook her head, this time to forego any further discussion. "I'll explain it all later. I hate to leave you like this, but I have to get back to Rodney. But we **will **be back for you as soon as possible."

At their signaled acceptance, she hurried into the jumper to get the medical kit and then rushed back to Rodney. He was conscious and had even managed to loosen the rope that she'd forgotten bound his hands. The rope was now wrapped around his thigh above the knife wound, providing a temporary tourniquet to slow the blood that still welled up slowly.

Elizabeth wasted no time opening the kit and spreading out the things she'd need. She made short work of cutting the material of his pants away from the wound, and then cleaned it thoroughly before bandaging it tightly. Then she had Rodney lay back so she could clean the cut bisecting his chest. Thankfully, Kolya had merely been toying with him and the cut was quite shallow. She cleansed it and tapped him up as best she could.

When she was done, she dropped back onto her heels with a sigh. There was nothing she could do about his rib or his face. Carson would wrap his ribs once he was sure of the damage, and the cuts on his face had stopped bleeding long ago, as had the matching ones on hers. She gave him some pain pills. Now that the adrenaline rush was fading, his discomfort level was rising. She used the rest of the emergency water herself to rinse her mouth out to remove the bile taste.

Elizabeth sat next to Rodney as he laid there for about 20 min or so to give the pills time to work. As the pain slackened off, together, they got Rodney on his feet and began a slow limp back to the jumper. She got him in the jumper and settled on one of the couches in the back, and then went back out to see John and Dr. Zelenka. They were still in the same positions, though John did look about ready to fall over.

It was obvious he'd regained a bit of muscle control and had tried to do too much. With a wry smile, she straightened him up. She proceeded to give them both a quick summary of what had happened, though she glossed over several parts, and left out the shooting altogether, merely again stating, "He's no longer an issue."

* * *

Elizabeth spent the next four hours going back and forth from John and Radek to Rodney; rubbing numb hands and feet for the former, and checking to make sure the bandages were holding for the latter. Rodney finally fell into a fitful sleep that she knew would be filled with nightmares.

As John and Radek finally regained enough control to stand up, she helped them one by one into the jumper, settling Radek on the couch opposite Rodney, and sat herself in the co-pilot's seat. Thanking the Ancients that their devices were thought controlled more than hand control, Elizabeth helped John place his hands on the controls before returning to her seat and closing her eyes, just glad they'd made it this far and were going home.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: I'm sorry this took so long to get up. Bet ya thought I forgot about it, didn't ya? Sorry. This story was dark, and hard to write. And as my life got back on track, the dark was hard to write. But it's done. It's nothing like what I planned, but I'm happy with it. I hope you enjoy it! Please review and let me know!

* * *

After hours of tests, Carson finally pronounced her fit and Elizabeth high-tailed it for her quarters. She knew she'd gotten off the easiest, as far as everyone was concerned. Rodney had numerous injuries; and Radek and John would have to stay at least overnight until Carson was sure that whatever chemical was used on them was fully out of their systems. All she had was a swollen cheek, a split lip and a black eye.

Her only goal was a long shower until she felt clean then climbing into bed and staying there until she felt human again. She didn't know if it was even possible, but she was going to try her hardest. Elizabeth quickly stripped down and stepped into the hottest shower she could stand, wincing at the almost scalding temperature. Within moments, her skin was red and stinging, yet she didn't get out or even cool the temperature. If she was asked later, she'd probably not even be able to verify if she'd felt it.

No tears fell. /_I'm stronger than that,_ Elizabeth thought. _/It's over and done. All that matters is that my people are home and safe/. _With a decisive nod, she turned the water off, and quickly got out, drying herself and donning a pair of sleep shorts and a t-shirt before dropping bonelessly into bed.

She stared at the ceiling, listening to the ocean outside her window. Sleep would be a long time coming tonight.

* * *

Elizabeth decided to hold off on the debriefing until Carson released Rodney from the infirmary. There was nothing pressing that wouldn't wait. He'd make a full recovery, Carson assured them, but it would take time. In the meantime, he was keeping Rodney for at least a week to ensure no infection set in and to make sure the wounds healed well.

It was almost two weeks after the mission before they all gathered in the conference room. Elizabeth couldn't help but glance covertly around at all those assembled. The debriefing was almost unnecessary. John and Rodney had certainly discussed the mission by now. She only hoped that Rodney had realized that there were parts she'd rather keep classified.

They made it through all the general stuff from the mission in the first five minutes. For the first time since she was appointed to the SGC and later, Atlantis, Elizabeth didn't push for everything to be discussed. Sheppard opened his mouth a couple times to say something, then glanced at Rodney and always closed his mouth without saying anything.

Elizabeth looked at Rodney gratefully. It would be obvious to a blind man that Rodney had said **something** to Sheppard before the meeting. Whether just asking him not to ask, warning him off, or even promising to fill him in later, she didn't know. All she knew was he wasn't asking and she was thankful.

Less than 30 minutes after the debriefing started, they were done and Elizabeth dismissed them. She saw no reason to draw it out, Rodney seemed in no hurry to share what took place in the lab, and Sheppard and Dr. Zelenka were unconscious through most of it. As the others left, she closed the file in front of her with finality. As far as she was concerned, it was over.

* * *

Four a.m. found Elizabeth the same as it had for the last couple weeks - wide awake and staring at the ceiling above her bed as if it had all the answers. She went to bed at the normal time every night, usually around midnight. She'd sleep well for a few hours, and then the nightmares would start.

They varied slightly from night to night. Some nights, it was her tied up instead of Rodney and she woke feeling the pain in her chest and thigh from the knife. Other times, it was exactly how it happened, except Kolya followed through with his threat to rape her. Still others, she would be unable to shoot, and she'd watch Rodney die.

But most often, and to her, the most disturbing, were the ones that stayed true to reality. Living the horrible day repeatedly, waking up crying, screaming or with a gasp, was enough to make her hate that she had to sleep at all.

With a sigh, Elizabeth gave in and got up, turning a small lamp on to give her enough light to see her way to the bathroom. She got dressed and headed to her office. If she wasn't going to sleep, she might as well work. _/Well, on the upside, I've never been this current on my paperwork/. _Elizabeth thought with a wry smile.

She stopped by the ever-present coffee urn in the mess hall on her way, nodded to the technician on duty in the control room, and then entered her office, closing the door behind her softly. She pulled the first folder from her inbox and got to work.

* * *

Days came and went and the pattern didn't change. Major Sheppard's team went on an easy mission to celebrate Rodney's complete recovery and being cleared by Carson for full active duty again.

They came back several hours later, in high spirits and with not even a scratch on any of them. They all headed to the commissary for a non-MRE meal and light banter. Rodney looked around for Elizabeth, as was his custom, but once again saw no trace of her. He frowned, and filed the information away, before turning back to his friends and finishing his meal. The group finished up and went their separate ways with much thankfulness and even cheerfulness at their successful first mission together in almost a month. Teyla and Ronan headed for the gym for a workout, John to work on a long overdue report, and Rodney to his lab.

Several hours later, Rodney saved the program he was working on, powered down his laptop and stretched with a groan. A glance at his watch showed it was way later than he realized, though he was still wide-awake.

He shut off the lights and headed towards the mess hall, intent on finding a snack, when an already almost forgotten memory surfaced.

Elizabeth. He hadn't talked to her in quite a while, other than the briefing before their latest mission and he couldn't remember her saying more than "Alright, you have a go. But be careful." She had been there to neither send them off nor greet them upon their return. Which was **not** like Elizabeth. She was always there for a gate opening.

_/This has gone on long enough. I shouldn't have let it go this long/_, Rodney chided himself. It didn't say much for his ability to be a good friend that he'd let her suffer this long. But with an abrupt about-face, he headed for her quarters; his only intent was to do his best to rectify his lapse.

She was his friend. His best friend. And it was time he acted like it.

* * *

Elizabeth was once again staring at the ceiling. Her clock showed 3:04 a.m. _/Well...am I gaining or losing? And extra hour to work on reports, apparently/. _With a groan, she pushed the sheet back, got up and pulled her robe on. As she headed for the doors to her balcony, the computer chimed a notice that someone was outside her door. Her first thought was that something was wrong, but quickly dismissed that idea as she realized they'd call her over the radio or at least page her.

She turned to answer the door, and stopped, her hand hovering over the panel to open it. In a moment of absolute clarity, she suddenly knew **exactly **who was on the other side of the door.

After a long pause, a knock sounded and his voice carried through the door. "Lizabeth, I know you're awake. Let me in, please. This sort of conversation shouldn't be done through a door or in plain view of everyone else."

Making a decision, she ran her hand over the panel, releasing the door lock, then turned and walked out onto her balcony, not even waiting until he'd fully come into her quarters. If he really wanted to talk, he'd follow.

Rodney watched her walk away from him, and would have turned and left, except he knew her well enough to know that if she didn't want to talk to him, she would have said so. To him, her letting him in but not saying anything, was an almost deafening shout for help.

He followed her out onto the balcony, and leaned against the rail, staring silently out at the water, mimicking her stance. They stood there for what could have been minutes or hours. Finally, when she could stand it no longer, she broke her self-imposed silence and asked, "Rodney. What are you doing here?"

She was unprepared for his answer. He turned to face her and looked her square in the eye, before replying. "Because this has gone on long enough. If I was a better friend, I'd have been here a long time ago." As she opened her mouth to refute what he said, he held up a hand to stop her. "No, let me finish." At her nod, he continued.

"I know you, Lizabeth. Every time something bad happens, you take about a week, two at most, before you snap back. You lose sleep, don't do much eating, and stay locked in your office a lot." Her mouth dropped open in surprise that he saw that much. He smirked slightly, and then continued. "Yes, I notice. All that stuff I mentioned takes about a week to occur, but then you come to terms with it and move on."

"Now…I was in the infirmary for the first part of your grieving, but after I got out, I decided to give you some time. But…Lizabeth, you're getting worse, not better. You've got to get over this. We need you to be fully here, with us."

She shook her head sadly. "You don't understand. I don't know if I **can** get over this. Rodney…I killed a man. And whether it was justified or not; whether it was necessary or not…I **killed** a man! No matter how nice you want to be, that makes me a murderer." She was almost shaking by the time she whispered the last word, lowering her head to stare somewhere in the vicinity of his chest; anywhere other than meeting his eyes.

Rodney felt his mouth drop open in shock and quickly closed it with a snap. " Elizabeth…you are NOT a murderer! I know it's incredibly hard. But you're looking at this the wrong way." She brought her eyes up, meeting his, with doubt and confusion in hers. He gently reached up and placed the tips of his fingers under her chin, keeping it up so she couldn't drop it again. "Lizabeth…you're not a murderer. You're a hero. Well, a heroine, at least."

At the slight quirk of her lips, he smiled gently and continued. "You didn't murder him, Lizabeth. You **saved **me. All of us. You did exactly what you had to do to save us. And…you hated it. If you'd liked it, I'd be worried. Besides, Lizabeth, this isn't your fault, it's mine. **I **forced you to shoot. If it weren't for me…."

Elizabeth quickly placed her hand over his mouth, stopping him and interrupting. "If it weren't for you, we'd probably be dead. I was screaming inside, trying to make myself do it. And I just…couldn't. If you hadn't done what you did, none of us would have escaped." She let her fingers slip off his mouth and down to rest lightly on his chest, dropping her eyes to stare at her fingers, again avoiding his gaze.

"I just think... That is, I try not to think, but I can't help it. If I'm so weak that I can't even protect my people, maybe it would be better if I resigned. Leave before I get someone else hurt."

"NO!" The response burst out of him, heated and heartfelt, almost before she finished speaking. "Lizabeth, I meant what I said a few minutes ago. You're the only person for this job. We need you."

He paused and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, and then said very quietly and deliberately, "**I **need you, here with me. I don't even want to try to imagine what this place would be like without you. And that means I need to do my part to make sure you know we care, to make sure you **stay** here with me."

He stepped back slightly, and opened his arms, the invitation obvious. She hesitated only a moment, before launching herself at him. He closed his arms around her tightly as she wrapped hers around his waist, her face burrowing against his chest.

Rodney didn't have long to wait. No more than 30 seconds later, he felt her shudder. She drew in a long, deep breath and seemed to freeze for a moment. And then the dam broke. She sobbed into his chest, holding him so tight he winced, but there was **no** way he was going to say anything.

She was eerily silent in her grief. He felt her tears soak his shirt, and felt her shaking against him, but that was it. No noise. He was new to this whole friendship thing, and as such, had no idea what to say. He just brought one hand up to stroke her back and murmured a lot of nothing into her hair. Anything he could think of to reassure her.

Slowly, the tears slowed and eventually stopped. Embarrassed, Elizabeth pulled back. Well, she tried to; Rodney tightened his arms around her and whispered, "Please…just stay here a little while longer. I'm not ready to let go yet. Please."

She smiled lightly and nodded, then gently turned in his arms, facing out to look at the water as his arms tightened around her, pulling her backwards to rest against his chest. He rested his chin on the top of her head and stayed silent.

Elizabeth looked out at the rapidly lightening sky as dawn approached. She thought back to all the confusion and pain that consumed her, making her feel like she was the only person in the universe.

As if sensing her thoughts, Rodney gave her a hug, tightening his arms momentarily, just as the sun broke over the horizon. She had to gasp at the feelings that flooded through her in that instant. The beauty of the sunrise. The all-encompassing love and acceptance surrounding her in the form of Rodney's arms.

The feeling of contentment surprised her. It had been so long since she'd felt it, she almost didn't recognize it for what it was. She knew that she would never be okay with what happened.

But just maybe, when she went to bed tonight, the nightmares would be absent, chased away bythe friends she now knew surrounded her.


End file.
